So my beautiful wife and I have been dealing with a lot lately. We have lost a piece of our future. We lost something that we never had. How can we replace such a precious gift that only gave us hope of things to come? About a week ago, only 5 days after we found out we were expecting a baby, we then found out we lost it. Again, you would think you couldn't get attached to something in 5 short days. I used to think that once I saw my child, I would love her. Even when I saw the outline of his face on the ultrasound, I might think I see my nose, thus sealing the bond between us. But now, after never having seen my child on that screen in the doctor's office, I miss that gift. That sweet child will never know its earthly father's embrace. It will never hear its mother's sweet voice. But there is hope! It also never had to see sin. It never had to experience ridicule or scorn. I truly believe that my baby is in the arm's of Christ! From the moment of its conception, God wanted it back. It was too sweet and loving to give up to this cruel world. God knew that through Him, my wife and I could handle this loss.
We have learned so much through this trial. We have learned complete dependency upon God. We have learned to trust and to be completely vulnerable with each other. Of course the "why God" questions and the "what is different about us than everyone else" questions have come up, but I am glad to say they were fleeting. Few and far between were the jealous looks of people at work who had children or who had precious life growing inside of them. I have been thrust into having hope for the future by God. My hope lies in Him alone. I reach to Him for mystrength so comfort can come to my wife through my arms and through my words and deeds.
"Thank you God. Thank you for life. Thank you for provision. Thank you for hope!"
